What You See Is What You Get

Between 1956 and 1980, unbeknown to the rest of the world, the Russians incorporated mental imagery training into their gymnasts' physical training; resulting in improved performance.  Specifically, there is a well-known study where Russian scientists compared four groups of their Olympic athletes in relation to their training schedules:

• Group 1 = 100% physical training;
  
• Group 2 - 75% physical training with 25% mental training;
  
• Group 3 - 50% physical training with 50% mental training; and,
  
• Group 4 - 25% physical training with 75% mental training.
  

With 75% of their time devoted to mental training, Group 4 performed the best.   The Russian scientists discovered mental images can act as a prelude to muscular impulses.   

WOW!  I knew visualization techniques were used in sports psychology to enhance athletes’ performances, but was not familiar with this data.   As I look for proven strategies to aid me in my current “walk,” I have learned more about “Creative Visualization.”  I like the idea of affecting the (or should I say my) outer world by using my imagination; visualizing specific behaviors or events in my life, changing my thoughts for the better.    When “visualizing,” it goes beyond what you see or imagine.  What do you feel?  What do smell, what do you hear?    I completely understand and appreciate the value in Creative Visualization for physical activities.  For example, in sports, a golfer may visualize the "perfect" stroke over and over again to mentally train muscle memory.   I want to visualize the “perfect” job for me; the “perfect” significant other; or fundamental basics of how and what I think proactively and reactively so my actions and words are consistently aligned in all that I do (sound kind of ‘fluffy?’). 

 

Visualization practices are a common form of spiritual exercise, especially in esoteric traditions and some Eastern religions.  Regardless of your spiritual  or religious beliefs or cultural background, many people across the globe have heard of concepts like “positive thinking” and “affirmations.”   These concepts have grown increasingly popular due to Rhonda Byrne's The Secret and The Law of Attraction  series by Esther Hicks and Jerry Hicks.   Another household name over the last decade, Anthony Robbins, popularized affirmations referring to them as "neuro- linguistic programming" (NLP). 

 

So, as I consider all the areas where positive thinking will aid my current state in life, I truly do embrace the notion my thoughts can be solidified by affirmations, resulting in my success.  In an attempt to format and initiate effective affirmations, I thought I’d leverage the blogging journey to write down a few that I plan to repeat and visualize frequently, as I fine tune Creative Visualization for myself:

• I am open and willing to attract all I desire being here and now.
  
• I have the perfect job for me; wonderful and satisfying.
  
• The right circumstance and right people are already here and will show up on time.
  
• As I un-clutter my life, I free myself to answer the callings of my soul.
  
• I am healthy and fit, with my body functioning in the right way.
  
• I have the ability to accomplish any task I set my mind to do with ease and comfort.
  
• Being me involves no risks. It is my ultimate truth and I live fearlessly.
  
• I have infinite patience when it comes to fulfilling my own destiny.
  
• I would rather be loathed for who I am than loved for whom I am not.
  
• I am an infinite being. The age of my body has no bearing of what I do or what I am.
  
• I live in the present moment, feeling, hearing, tasting, and smelling the details.
  
• I accomplish anything I put my mind to because I know I am never alone.  
  
• My body has an athletic form and is the right and healthy weight.
  

**********

Sharing "The Invitation"

The following is an excerpt taken from Oriah Mountain Dreamer.   I think it speaks volumes.  If you agree, check out her website or books. 

Thanks, peace, and love,

~Kelley

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved 

Happy Anniversary to the Fabulous Fergusons

What do you say to two people who have been married for thirty years?!?!  

"Congratulations." "Way to go!"  "How did you do it?"  "Why?!"  "What is the secret?" "What is wrong with you?"  "Is that in dog years?"  "Happy Anniversary!"

 

No matter what you say, there is an underlying connotation in your comment…there just is.  What you say or ask can reveal your perception about marriage and anniversaries (if not the couple's relationship).

Today, my mom and step dad have been married 30 years!  To them, I want to express gratitude and appreciation, as well as tell them "Happy Anniversary." 

Honestly ~ if it weren’t for them, I would have NO faith that I can find “the guy” for lil’ ol’ me!  Through the decades, I have seen them do a few things I hope to model in my relationships (just to list a few):

• Taking weekend trips just for them.
  
• Taking things off line, talking them through, and coming up with a “Donna and Fergy” decision versus a solo decision.
  
• Recognizing, understanding, and unconditionally loving each other in spite of human foibles.
  
• Leveraging each other’s strengths, being better as a sum versus individuals.
  
• Laugh, laugh, and laugh!
  
• Allowing the other one to be who and what they are and loving them in spite of the good, bad, and the ugly…having them no other way. 
  
• Talk, talk, talk, talk….listen, listen, listen and more listening!
  
• Commitment and respect.
  

In addition to my thoughts, here are a few quotes (with positive connotations) that make me think of them:

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and the blossom when we love the ones we marry.”  ~ Tom Mullen

“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb.  It isn’t something you get.  It’s something you do.  It’s the way you love your partner every day.”  ~ Barbara De Angelis

“A happy marriage is a long conversation which seems too short.”  ~ Andre Maurois

“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity.  The order varies for any given year.”  ~ Paul Sweeney

“Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.”  ~ Louis K. Anspacher

Thank you for the lessons and opportunities to passively observe over the years.  I am sure every day, month, situation, life event has not been “easy” (In fact I personally know of so many that couldn’t have been!); but again ~ thank you for modeling the possibilities to me. 

 

I love you both very much!  Again, thank you and Happy Anniversary!

Distance is a Powerful Thing

It is not uncommon that I have to occasionally ask Elijah to step back from the television.  This is an interesting phenomenon with children.  I remember as a young child standing in front of the television when the football game was on.  It was easier for me to see where the ball was.  But, that was really the only time I recall standing in front of the TV; otherwise, I couldn’t actually see the whole TV screen. 

There are certain things we cannot truly see or appreciate, unless there is distance.  There are many things in life, tangible and intangible, that absolutely, undoubtedly must have distance.  The most prominent image that comes to mind is the Earth and satellites.  It is no coincidence that the military uses this strategy to more effectively zero in on a detail; or, the scientists who study the ocean and the atmosphere from a distance as well as up close; or, the art lover who stares at a portrait from a distance.  I suspect the view of a full moon in the dark sky would not look the same from my backyard versus a space shuttle.

Distance helps the viewer see the complete picture.  Too many times in relationships we get stuck in the details of the moment, or the emotion of the situation.  This is not bad; however, if you’re never pulling up, stepping back, or creating occasional distance, it is more than likely you will not see the complete picture.  As an adult, if I simply stared at the football during the game, I’d miss the flags, the hits, and other things that ultimately influence the entire game in that moment as well as the final outcome. 

I am human; I can and have been caught up in the emotion or the details, even when I didn’t think I was caught up.  The last few years, I have taken heed to this realization more than ever before.  As many of my loved ones know, my move to California was invaluable personally and professionally.  Based a variety of things that were evolving in my personal life, the move to California was needed; it created “distance.”  The distance highlighted  distinctions that were not emotionally or visually visible while in “it.” 

It is also not a coincidence that “hind sight is 20/20” is a very common phrase people may use in their personal and professional lives.  Many times, it is “after the fact” that all the details, the facts, the big picture is visible.  Here’s another common phrase – “If I knew then, what I know now…” 

When you stand too close to anything…it begins to blur.  There is value in the distinctions.  You need the distance.    

Elijah Excerpts: Mastering the English Language

This dry, beautiful Saturday, Elijah wanted me to know he has a "speckle."  "Hhhmm,"  I thought.  "What is he trying to tell me?"

When I asked him to show me what he was referring to, he pointed to the small dot on his left check, often referred to as a freckle.  "Oh, I see a freckle right there,"  I said.  He looked at me and said, "speckle freckle - that rhymes!"  

No longer was he intrigued with the brown dot on his face.  He simply began trying to rhyme additional words with speckle and freckle and ran into the next room.  My speculation (no pun intended) is Elijah knew the concept and what the word sounded like, regardless if it is called a speckle or a freckle.  And at the end of the day - either word works for me (and Elijah)!

Elijah Excerpts: Last Day of 2008 - 2009 School Year

Field day was held on the school’s playground with a map and scheduled rotation for the three classrooms (nearly 90 children).  Like all three classrooms, Elijah’s class tie-dyed t-shirts to quickly identify the groups – smart thinking, huh?!  Of the various “stations,” Elijah’s classroom sponsored some classics:  spoon race; water bucket relay; drip-drip-drop; and tricycle race.  The Field Day grand finale was a tug-of-war with the teachers, followed by popsicles.  Each class room used the combination of all their might and won their tug of war with their teachers.  They closed out the day and the year with a community song, then dismissed each child with their parent(s).  Many of the parents (myself included) and the teachers were more emotional than some of the children.

 

In addition to running a few weekend errands before the holiday weekend was in full swing, I allowed Elijah to choose what and/or where he wanted to go for a celebratory lunch.  We went to a new Asian restaurant in our neighborhood, where he celebrated with a tuna roll (an all time favorite).  We closed out the afternoon in the park, playing Frisbee, Elijah making imaginary food for me in the sand box, and lots of swinging. 

 

While swinging, Elijah said, “Mommy, this is the best day ever!”  Then, he really knocked me off my feet and said, “Mommy, I am ready to go home”- this comment from a child who never wants to leave a park (rain, snow, or sun).  At that moment, I felt a smile, a sigh, and a tear in my eye.  I was so thankful to be a part of Elijah’s “best day ever!”

Happy 40th Birthday Lisa Michelle

One of my most favorite people in the universe is my cousin Lisa (our dads are brothers - two of four siblings).  Lisa and I are the the only two girls in our generation of Finnegans (amongst the 4 siblings that is).  Of all the cousins, Lisa is the second oldest, and I am next. 

Just because we're family doesn't mean we have to like each other.  Lisa and I have actually intentionally spent our own money to spend time with each other over the decades - so you know it is a choice versus an obligation.  

Alas, my employment (lack of) is preventing me from spending more money and time to share in her 40th birthday celebration in Mexico.  I'll get over this "practical" choice....maybe.  

My blogging journey continues to allow me opportunities to express myself in ways I may not have historically done so (especially more publicly on the world wide web).  As I have mentioned before, this period of unemployment has provided me a different outlook.  I know now more than ever, to enjoy each moment, because I may not get another moment; tell the people you love, you love them - whenever it crosses your mind.  It is the infamous..."nothing is promised..."

I have captured a few phrases and poems (one of my own included) to remind Lisa and share with anyone else reading that I love her dearly.  She has taught me things, made me laugh uncontrollably, been there for me when I was sick or in need, been a sounding board, supported me when she didn't agree with me, and most of all loved me unconditionally - consistently over the decades.    

*****

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.

-Anthony Brandt

*****

Untitled

Cousins are many. 
Best friends are few. 
What a rare delight 
To find both in you. 

-Author Unknown

*****

Cousin to Cousin

We’re from the same shoot, 
The same family tree, 
Into this world we sprouted 
Call it destiny! 
It’s cousin to cousin 
A special thing 
A closeness to which we’re tied, 
And you’ve always been there 
To laugh with me 
Or even when I’ve cried. 
Anyway I think it’s fantastic 
That you were meant to be 
A part of my life, my cousin, 
You’ll always be special to me! 

-Author Unknown

*****

Ode to Lisa Michelle

“Whoever smelt it, delt it,” that IS what she said,

Cleary raised with two brothers, born and bred.

Even as a kid, she could be as mean as all crap,

I am reminded of the infamous slap.

I saw the Grand Canyon with my favorite cuz.

So many memories, so much love!

Matching dresses some Phoenix summers,

Years and oceans apart, what a bummer.

The loss of Grandma, we met again.

She is more than a cousin, more than a friend.

Singing “Happy Trails” up in the plane,

Can’t make this stuff up – there’s no one to blame.

Because of me, once a Stapleton layover,

Turned into an unexpected near stay-over.

Who could have predicted the “Great Escape,”

Lisa had boundaries, I thought that was great.

Some family relationships were amiss,

Thank goodness for Jeffy the masterful accomplice.

How about Kris’ wedding - draped in peach satin looking classy,

Running to the liquor store or cussing out the limo driver being sassy. 

When she was gonna do that thang with JB,

It didn’t come to pass, so she came to see me.

During that trip, gingerbread cookies were disgraced

As we added significant details to more than their face.

Over the years, we’ve done trips by plane and/or car

Depending on the destination - near or far.

Several have been to lil’ ol’ Texline

Visiting family, so generous and kind.

But who could forget the toilet-less trip,

The one where the Poole’s oreos were such a huge hit.

30 for her, we did it N’Awlins style.

30 for me, the Emerald Isle.

Living La Vida Loca was a moment in time,

Such great fun, one of a kind.

Each birthday filled with adventure and exploration,

And as Finnegans do, alcohol for the celebration.

Since that time, we both got hitched

She’s kept her’s and mine I’ve ditched.

When I made the move to Cali,

She was one of three family members who came to visit me.

Through thick and thin she is always there

No matter what the issue, she didn’t care.

She is and has been loved by many a friend -

But especially Andrew and Jen.

As she approaches the big 4-0,

There are a few things I want her to know.

Some ways we’re the same, others we’re not

From her beautiful hands, to the sausage fingers I’ve got.

Regardless, she is like a sister to me.

I appreciate she loves me for the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I am so sad I won’t be there to celebrate her day

So, I thought I’d immortalize her in this memorable way.

This ode to Lisa barely scratches the surface

Among other things, I hope it didn’t make her boo and hiss.

But rather remind her the wonderful memories we’ve had

They weren’t all great, but they weren’t all bad.

Who knows what the next 10, 20, or 30 will bring

Guaranteed more memories amongst everything.

I love you Lisa Michelle.  Happy Birthday!

***************

Appreciation for the Cool Daddies

If I lived in ancient Rome, I surely lived in a luxurious home where we circulated aqueduct water through our home’s walls.  If I lived in China during the Tang Dynasty, I’d  have spent all my time in the imperial palace’s “Cool Hall” enjoying the water-powered fan wheels while watching the rising jet streams of water from beautiful fountains.  If I lived in medieval Persia, I’d  have lived in a building that used a cistem and wind tower.

Centuries later, the likes of Dr. John Gorrie, Stuart W. Cramer, Willis Haviland Carrier, and others helped create the world we live in today.  The "air conditioning" technology and uses have evolved over the last 100 years or so.  Judge me if you must, but air conditioning is in my top-five favorite of all important inventions.

I am not going to bore you with stories about a young child spending summers in Phoenix, riding around in a car with her cousins with vinyl seats, that didn’t have air conditioning (or seat belts - the horror).  Or a story about living in a multi-level California home, built like a sieve, with all day, western exposure, vaulted ceilings, and no air conditioning (that would be a balmy 95 degrees on the main floor at 10pm all summer long - note the bedrooms were upstairs with, did I mention - vaulted ceilings).  Instead, simply know I love Planet Earth, want to be energy efficient, and so on….with air conditioning as an active part of my environment. 

So, here, here to the evolution of the technology and industry as it strives to find ways to be more energy efficient, reduce carbon footprints, and be Earth-friendly.  Just please, please, please don’t take my AC away.

Elijah Excerpts: Impromptu Music

Now days Elijah has so many interests - it is awesome!  Tonight, Elijah decided he would practice his guitar before bath.  As you may hear, he asked me to record it so I could send it to his daddy (so he could hear him play the guitar).  

While the quality of the picture and sound may be weak, Elijah's love for music and willingness to share with the ones he loves is as strong as ever.

Elijah Excerpts: The Missing "Tool"

Like many people, my weekends are sprinkled with the occasional chores, errands, and house cleaning.  This beautiful Sunday, I was getting to some chores/housecleaning that I had been putting off. 

As an example, by our back door, I have a slew of bags that need to be put away.  Elijah's toy bag/backpack (the one with ready-made snacks and toys if we're going to an adult's house) and his school tote bag don't need to be at the door ready to go every day.  With soccer season over, it was time to empty the weekly soccer bag, put things away, etc.  Likewise, I had a multi-purpose black leather bag I use for travel, business, and personal   - I call it "Old Faithful."  I have had that bag for at least 10 years...the stories it could tell if it could talk.

As I was ensuring there wasn't anything in Old Faithful before storing the seasoned bag in the closet, I found the oddest thing in there - a pizza cutter.  Hhhmmmm - curious, but not so curious.  I do have a four year old who can turn anything into a superhero tool, part of a fort, or some other something I have yet to blissfully experience.  

The sad part of this excerpt is the timing.  We don't eat pizza often, but I can assure the last two times I went to the look for the pizza cutter, it was MIA.  Foolishly, I did not look inside Old Faithful.  After all, I did say I use the bag for everything (just not all the time).

How Soccer Changed the World for a Day

...okay, maybe not an entire day.  BUT, it changed my world for several hours!

The Geckos in All Their Glory

Seven three and four year old children (L to R: Ronin, Elijah, Koben, Jack, Kendall, Dawson, Graham is MIA), had sooo much fun tonight.  During the last game of their six-week Spring season everyone played.  Do you have any idea what a huge feat that was to accomplish?!  Not only did they all play, nearly everyone scored at least one goal.  There were lots of smiles, giggles, and even some tears (Elijah and Ronin got a little rough - Elijah was dishing it out, but couldn't take it and Koben hurt his arm amidst the action.  All children ended the night better than fine).  

After clinic and the game against the "Fireballs," the Colorado Ice league was very generous, buying celebratory pizza for approximately 100+ kids and their families - (irrelevant side note...who knew Little Caesars still had franchises open...not me).  Then, to top it all off the Green Geckos got trophies, with their name and the team name engraved on them!

Coach Tiffanie (Dawson's mom) and Coach Paul (Koben's dad) did a great job each game and throughout the Gecko's season.  All of the parents and families were great.  While it was Elijah's first experience with team sports, in many ways this was a first for me too.

B.E. (a.k.a. "before Eijah"), when I dreamed of being a mom, I didn't think about things like attending my child's sporting events and bonding with other children and/or their parents.  All around, both Elijah and I had an incredibly positive experience.  

So, soccer may not have changed the world, but for several hours today, nothing else mattered but supporting, cheering, and loving those sweet three and four year old children as they played and celebrated together.  I am inspired by the Geckos!

The Formula

p h p  

 

Changing careers, Battling an illness, Giving up a vice, Starting a new business, Embarking on parenthood, Laid off, Leaving home, Losing something or someone you love, Learning a new language, instrument, or skill, Attending a new school or going back to school, Relocating to a new city, state, or country, Rediscovering who you are, Balancing parenthood, family, and work, Starting a new job, Supporting a loved one who is experiencing a life changing event…  

 

…whatever challenges may lie ahead, the “php formula” may be helpful.

 

I am so thankful to have wise, loving, caring people in my life.  I appreciate one particularly wise woman for sharing her php formula with me.  It is easy to remember and visualize. 

 

When I think of the php formula, I am easily reminded, I can do this.  Whatever the “this” is this week, season, year, decade, or lifetime…not only can I do this….I choose to do this!

 

As a reference, I captured the www.dictionary.com definitions of the words that make up the simple yet meaningful formula.

 

 

pa⋅tience

  [pey-shuh ns]  

–noun

1.	the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

 

2.	an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.

 

3.

quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.   Synonyms: 1. composure, stability, self-possession; submissiveness, sufferance. Patience, endurance, fortitude, stoicism imply qualities of calmness, stability, and persistent courage in trying circumstances. Patience may denote calm, self-possessed, and unrepining bearing of pain, misfortune, annoyance, or delay; or painstaking and untiring industry or (less often) application in the doing of something: to bear afflictions with patience. Endurance denotes the ability to bear exertion, hardship, or suffering (without implication of moral qualities required or shown): Running in a marathon requires great endurance. Fortitude implies not only patience but courage and strength of character in the midst of pain, affliction, or hardship: to show fortitude in adversity. Stoicism is calm fortitude, with such repression of emotion as to seem almost like indifference to pleasure or pain: The American Indians were noted for stoicism under torture. 3. indefatigability, persistence, assiduity.     hu⋅mil⋅i⋅ty   [hyoo-mil-i-tee or, often, yoo-]   –noun the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc. Synonyms: lowliness, meekness, submissiveness. Antonyms: pride.    per⋅se⋅ver⋅ance   [pur-suh-veer-uh ns]   –noun 1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement. 2. Theology. continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation. elated forms: per⋅se⋅ver⋅ant, adjective  Synonyms: 1. doggedness, steadfastness. Perseverance, persistence,tenacity, pertinacity imply resolute and unyielding holding on in following a course of action. Perseverance commonly suggests activity maintained in spite of difficulties or steadfast and long-continued application: Endurance and perseverance combined to win in the end. It is regularly used in a favorable sense.Persistence, which may be used in either a favorable or an unfavorable sense, implies unremitting (and sometimes annoying) perseverance: persistence in a belief; persistence in talking when others wish to study. Tenacity, with the original meaning of adhesiveness, as of glue, is a dogged and determined holding on. Whether used literally or figuratively it has favorable implications: a bulldog quality of tenacity; the tenacity of one's memory. Pertinacity, unlike its related word, is used chiefly in an unfavorable sense, that of over insistent tenacity: the pertinacity of the social climber.    Whatever opportunities life brings you on your individual journey, feel free to add the php formula to your repertoire and tool kit.  Sometimes, you never know which tool, formula, or resource will help you get the job done.  So, consider adding one more elementary, powerful option to your arsenal.