Elijah's Plan

As we were getting ready for bed last night, I brought up Mothers Day.  I already had a gift I planned on giving my mom, but wanted to know if Elijah wanted to give his Gram something special from him.

"Would you like to make a card for Gram?"  Elijah had a blank look on his face.  Then, a huge smile emerged and he said, "I know mommy!  We can make her something so she doesn't have to do anything."

What in the world does that mean?  I didn't say that outloud...instead, "Ok.  Like what..."  "A ROBOT!  A robot that will do things for her!"  That sounded cool to me, but let's be real, shouldn't I be on the list to get one of those too?  As a variety of thoughts and comebacks were spinning through my head I said, "That sounds great, but I don't know how to make a robot.  Do you?"  

Now that Elijah had come up with this idea, he had a sense of peace come over him.  As he pulled the covers over him he said, "All we need are blue prints."  Yes, Kelley!  What were you thinking?!  "hhhmmmm....ok...where do we find robot blue prints?"  "On the computer silly!"  Really, Kelley- note to self - get with the program!  As Elijah laid his head on the pillow in a relaxed paternal-like voice he said, "I will help you look for them on the computer tomorrow.  Ok, mommy?"  What do you say to that?  My reply, "Ok honey."  

I remembered some of the great gift ideas I had given my parents when I was little.  I remember hand-made gifts and an occasional store purchase.  In either case, they were typically things I really liked (the most memorable was when I got slime - yes slime - for my dad...I loved that gift - maybe I'll get slime for Mothers Day....awesome).  

So, Elijah has a plan.  We'll see how it plays out over the next few days and weeks.  His ideas are big and bold...and I love that about him.  

P.S.  to Gram - if you're reading this before Mothers Day....act surprised if you get a homemade robot.   

Update From A Soccer Mom...

...a what?  Did somebody say, "soccer mom?!"  YEP!

I have been called a lot of things in my life, but the idea of being called a soccer mom never crossed my mind.  While I am not sure how I would have described a "soccer mom" before I wore the label, I gladly wear the label today.

I am enjoying watching and helping Elijah through his first team sport experience.  It is a riot to watch a bunch of three and four year olds on a soccer field.  Really!  Good, clean, cheap entertainment - full of laughs.

Elijah belongs to the Colorado Ice league and today was a makeup day/game from the spring storm a little over a week ago.  Despite the fact that today was gorgeous and mild 60s, by 4pm, the cold rain was starting to blow into the city.

I am not sure if the Green Geckos won today because most parents (except for the die hards who were pushing their kids pretty hard) were inclined to call the game early.  Typically we play two 12 minute halves.  The parents of the Green Geckos (Elijah's team) recommended we play two 10 minute halves.  The other team's coach (Yellow ?) puffed out his chest and shouted, "We're here to play soccer!"  To which most of us "soccer parents" gave him a blank stare while a few choice words were internally mumbled since young ears were present.  

That said, three games into the season, I am proud to report that Elijah is enjoying soccer...but enjoys warmer weather during games.  We'll see if warmer weather during future games is a direct connection to more goals scored by the star kicker or the entire Gecko Gang.

Last but not least, I am proud to be Elijah's soccer mom!

Have You Gardened Your Soul Lately?

In the spirit of community and honoring Earth Day, Elijah’s school orchestrated an Earth Day celebration. The event consisted of volunteer opportunities to partner with fellow school families to work on the school grounds, the gardens, staining and painting decks, cleaning out a storage shed and more.

I am focused on being an active part of Elijah’s school community for a variety of reasons. An Earth Day celebration seemed like a great way to model certain behaviors to Elijah, interact with other classmates and families, and positively contribute to Elijah’s ‘second home.’ As such, we planned to spend a few hours at the celebration.

To my surprise, one of my friends agreed to attend the event, which in all honesty surprised me. You see, my mindset was, “Yes, please join us for some good old-fashioned manual labor.” Maybe she didn’t understand what I was inviting her to attend? So, I forwarded an email to her with some of the projects. BUT, she still came…wow?!

Once we arrived, we had our pick of “projects” to tackle. We opted to tag-team and tackle a front area garden in need of weeding and mulching. Sounded straight-forward to me – and guess what?! She actually knew what she was doing…awesome!

For some background, my perspective on gardening is very, shall we say, basic. Generally speaking, people garden to make things grow; maybe enjoy a little piece of nature; and some tell me they find it therapeutic. Through the years, I have enjoyed friends’ gardens; but not appreciated the process, creativity, maintenance, dedication, humility or labor associated with gardening….at least not until today.

Today, my friend and I shared an exercise far beyond gardening skills and community service. As friends often do, while we kneeled in the dirt pulling weeds we talked about things going on in our lives and our children’s lives. During the process, I learned things about her I didn’t know - like she did landscaping one summer way back when….no wonder she was a gardening rock star! Actually, it was more than that.

Some weeds took longer to pull out, but the goal was always to get the entire weed out, down to the root. Some weeds were so rooted you had to use a tool to get it out of the ground. Some were rooted around rocks. Some newly sprouted seedlings looked like weeds and we couldn’t tell the difference. Then she said it! As she used her bare hands to twist and tug a large weed out of the ground, she said “I am weeding Rob out of my life.” (She had just ended a relationship with her significant other earlier in the day). It was at that moment that I got gardening…I mean really got it.

Just as in life, in gardening there are processes and events that naturally occur. Some of those natural occurrences are nurturing and others are destructive. Other things in gardening (and life) require our occasional (and sometimes regular) intervention.  A good gardener is mindful the "weeds" may overpower the peace and beauty of their sanctuary, obstructing balance and new growth. 

I am grateful for today's opportunities and my friend who influenced my new appreciation of how gardening mirrors life.

Gardening is an exercise in optimism.

Sometimes, it is a triumph of hope over experience.

~Marina Schinz

Benadryl Blues

This Spring, every Friday night is soccer night. The Green Geckos start with 45 minutes of warm ups and drills, a break, then two 12 minute halves. Last week, the Spring snow storm squashed such fun. Two weeks ago, it was a fantastic recipe for fun, exercise, laughs, and a sound night sleep.

For the record:

An empty stomach, Benadryl, and sleepy four-year old boy do NOT make for much of any thing associated with soccer fun.

Tip:

Everything in moderation has a time and a place! Orange wedges and juice were just the sugar boost Elijah needed to happily score two goals during tonight's game against the Blue Sharks. Goooo Geckos!

Elijah Excerpts: New School Year, 2008

Wow!  We have been in Colorado for over eight months ….time flies.  Many of our California friends regularly ask about Elijah.  When we lived in California, I did a better job keeping our CO (and non-CA) family and friends updated.  I am hopeful blogging will be one avenue I can use to keep our pseudo-family and friends everywhere updated a bit more than I have done the past eight months.

When I think back to August, September, and October 2008 it was kinda rough.  I went through weeks of Elijah telling me daily things like:  “I want to move back to California.”  “This is not our house.”  “I want my old bedroom.”  “I miss the ocean.”  “I miss Chloe.”  “I miss Alyssa.”  “Can we go to Auntie Allison’s house?”  “How come we moved here (Colorado)?”  “How come we can’t go back to our old house?”  That is just a sampling of the comments and questions I consistently heard for more than three months.  I had to gut-check myself a couple of times and remind myself why I made the choices I made (with no regrets I might add).

In addition to school, he started swim lessons at a local recreation center and gymnastics.   Part of my strategy was to keep Elijah physically active to burn his energy, keep him busy, and make new friends.  While he learned to swim with no floaties at three and ride his bike with no training wheels…it was still a longer transition than I had anticipated.  

Labor Day weekend was nice.  My dad had a big birthday bash to celebrate the big 6-0!  Elijah got to see that side of my family celebrating something besides Christmas (which is what most of his memories have consisted of at his papa Terry's house since we lived in California).  The really turning point was his birthday.  The first weekend in October I had Elijah’s first birthday party at a nearby park…probably about 30 kids there for the Super Hero theme party…that was a turning point…a milestone.  All of his grandparents (except his great grandpa Don) were there along with family friends and their kids and most of his classmates.   His uncle Eric (who is a superhero in his eyes) was also there to add to the "specialness."

The following weekend in October, we participated in an annual 5K put on by his school.  My mom and step dad joined us.  By mid-October, Elijah’s personal and school life were starting to gel and cross over in ways he never experienced when we lived in California.  He was excelling in physical, emotional, and social milestones.  We could visit our local Target, Cold Stone, or swimming pool and he’d run into a school mate…he loved it. 

Last, but not least was Halloween.  Elijah's school didn't do costume parades or a 'harvest festival.'  Instead, Elijah's teacher had a traditional "Crazy Hat Day."  In addition to fun Autumn/Halloween activities, the pre-schoolers and kindergartners wore their hats as they paraded through the school.  Elijah had a Dr. Seuss, Cat in the Hat. kind of hat with Halloween stickers on it (that Alyssa and Auntie Allison sent him).  Crazy Hat Day was also the first time I volunteered in his class.  He loved it.

The other cool thing about Halloween 2008 was I made his costume.  Elijah wanted to be a scuba diver for Halloween.  For some people's recollection, Elijah was a puppy dog when he was two; a shark when he was three; and now wanted to be a scuba diver.  The ocean has always been a constant theme in this four and a half years of life.  I must confess, I loved the fact he wanted be a scuba diver - BUT...have you ever tried to find a scuba diver costume for a three or four year old?  I was willing to pay for it, if I could not find it.  Yeah, well anyway, long story short, I made Elijah's costume...he was so thrilled!  And you know what...I was proud too.  He got to go trick or treating at Seagate's "Treat Street" and in his Papa Terry's neighborhood.  He regularly got compliments on his unique costume.  It was the oxygen tank that set it off - all made with mama's love!

As I look back to those transitional months, I am so proud of him.  While many people told me how “resilient” kids are…Elijah is his own person and does things in his own way and own time.  As adults, we don't like being lumped into generalities (at least I don't).  I think adults often underestimate and devalue the evolution and emotions of little people…Elijah did great.   I admit I underestimated the transition time…and it didn’t stop there.  So, if you’re an Elijah Fan and want to get caught up, stay tuned to more “Elijah Excerpts,” coming soon to a blog near you.  

Release Yourself

So, I had a few comments from people who thought the April 15th blog entry was sad; however my intent was not to focus on sadness. The intent was to express gratitude that phase or chapter had passed. Some roads we travel are paved, some have potholes, some are dirt roads – and sometimes you have to go four-wheeling even if you don’t have the right car for the "drive." Nevertheless, there are no guarantees there will not be other pit stops, chapters, phases, or whatever you want to call them that are less than perfect (really, really less than perfect). One of the silver linings is I “let go.”

Letting go can be one of the toughest things many of us have to do in life. No matter what you’re letting go of (a loved one, grudges, bitterness, something you can't control, painful memories, the past, lost love, guilt, or fear….and the list goes on and on) it can be scary. Letting go can make you vulnerable. Ah, alas…that is the risk - who wants to make themselves vulnerable and let go with no guarantees?! Not me! No sir! I like the illusion of control.

One of the questions I have come to ask myself is, “what is the worst thing that may happen if I let go of “this” (whatever ‘this’ is)? “ Next question - “what is the best thing that may happen if I let go of this?” Those two questions really simplify the issue/topic for me. That framework makes me feel like (under the illusion of control) my choices are more black and white and less grey. May or may not work for you…but worth a shot.

For me poetry resonates to my core, so I have included poetry related to the topic of letting go. One poem is written by an anonymous author; the other is one from me. A common thread in both poems is ‘love.’

Again, I appreciate people’s support and/or interest in checking out anything I blog. Cheers to each of you and the people you care about in your life, no matter what kind of road you're traveling on today or tomorrow!

Kelley

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Letting Go Takes Love

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.
Remember: The time to love is short.

~ Author unknown
Resource: www.community4me.com/LETGO.html


I Didn’t Know

I didn’t know I had put my heart under such an extreme lock and key.
Now I met someone who effortlessly exposed and released the shackles.

I didn’t know I would risk getting hurt again, ever again.
Now I think you are worth the risk.

I didn’t know I could truly speak my mind with a friend and a lover.
Now I want to share every little thing that is on my mind with you.

I didn’t know I wanted you to touch, kiss, and make love to me every day.
Now my desires make my body and soul ache until the next time.

I didn’t know anyone could make me want of lifetime of ‘us.’
Now I can’t imagine if we never met, if there was never an ‘us.’

I didn’t know you were missing from my life.
Now I can’t stop missing you.

Thank Goodness for Better Times

Reflection is an amazing thing. It can be so therapeutic. We all know the saying, "Life is a journey." If you've lived long enough, you know that some of the pit stops along the way aren't so pretty. Some are down right awful.

On a lighter note, those ugly times and experiences in each of our journeys remind us how incredibly resilient we are....sounds more cliche to say, how resilient humans are....Below are some words that describe one of my ugly pit stops along my journey.

Since that pit stop, many others have been ok, good, and even great. Nevertheless, as I said, reflection can be therapeutic.

As always, thanks for reading!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

California Despair
I can’t move. I am stuck.
I am paralyzed - trying not to self-destruct.
Who can help me when I can’t help myself?
My sanity is bankrupt. I have no wealth.
Am I insane or just lost?
I’m trying to hold on, but at what cost?
I don’t think I can do this on my own.
I need help, but I am so alone.
I’m alone, on my own.
I cry, but it doesn’t help.
Hold it together, so no one can tell.
Try, just try so it will pass.
But the truth is it lasts and lasts.
I can’t see an end.
Don’t break, only bend.
I can do this – I’ll just keep trying
Even if that means I end up dying.

First Soccer Experience

At 4 1/2, Elijah is excited & ready for his very first soccer game in this picture.  He and his team mates decided on the team name, Green Geckos.  They won their first game....and Elijah scored TWO Goals!  He was soooo excited.  As I watched on the oppposite side of the field, jumping up and down screaming, "GOOOOOAL!" he ran to me with tears in his sweet eyes.  When I bent down to hug him he said, "Mommy!  I scored a goal."  And if you know me, you know I cried too!

Humor Me While I Try To Sharpen My Blade

One of the tragedies of unemployment for someone like me is the yearning to keep my blade sharp….bling, bling. Did that blind your eyes? Of course not….it is getting dull; despite the fact that one of my friends told me I have a Samurai blade. Besides job search, I have done quite a bit of volunteer work, networking, reading, caught up with old friends, “domestic duties,” and more. One of the ways I am opting to sharpen the blade is this blog…..kinda funny really. In my former life, I would have NEVER had time for such a thing….nor appreciated the value in it (the value it creates for me). As I ponder more about unemployment and what it means to me, I have been reflecting on my current perspective and lessons learned about my current state. When I say lessons learned, I don’t mean tactical things about dealing with UI benefits, the county, and the state, different websites. I mean my emotions. I began to visualize the word u-n-e-m-p-l-o-y-m-e-n-t. Upon doing so, certain words immediately came to mind.

‘U’ is for Unknown.
The great unknown sounds exciting when you have false securities like a supposed knowledgeable and trained tour guide down a white water river or through a tropical forest far away from the comforts of home. ..A tour you have paid for as part of your fabulous vacation. The truth is, the tour guide may not truly be knowledgeable should something out of the ordinary occur; but, the fact that you chose to take this tour, combined with the fact that you are willing to put a value on it by paying for it….well that makes it very different, than let’s say, the unknown of when you will be employed again. It is different from the “unknown” of how long you can live on current funds, savings, and/or assets. Your control, or should I say perceived control, is far less. We’re never truly in control; however there are certain situations or circumstances where you may have choices you can significantly influence, giving you a sense of (in many cases) control - unemployment is not one of those situations. That being said, control is an illusion. If you have kids…especially teenagers…you know what I am saying. Focus on what you can literally control – you.

‘N’ is for New.
‘New’ sounds great when it is a ‘new’ TV, car, or a ‘new’ pair of shoes or handbag (or whatever floats your boat). ‘New’ may not sound so great or feel so great when it is a new opportunity that you didn’t choose. Granted, the new opportunity may yield great results, but the fact remains that you didn’t readily choose this new opportunity. So, you may now be looking at the unknown. The unknown can be scary for all of us. And let’s not forget that even with a new purchase, there are things you may have not thought through or been aware of that kill your “new” high and buzz. Maybe the TV has more features than you can figure out. Maybe that new car was supposed to come with upgrades that take 6 months for the dealer to deliver and follow through. Maybe your shoes look fabulous on your foot, provided they didn’t hurt so damn bad you can’t even walk in them let alone stand in them after 10 minutes. My mamma always told me, life is all about choices. New is all in how you look at it and how your react/respond to it. So, yes, you’re in a new place in your life. How do you want respond?

‘E’ is for everything.
Everything changes when you become unemployed through no control of your own. Things change-things you may not even think of if you are currently gainfully employed and/or have not been laid off of a job in your lifetime. Simply put, you are forced to look at everything differently. One example is benefits. Have you ever tried to get an individual health plan? They go through ALL of your history and actually verify it…you have to do your best to be forthright and tell them about your ailments, surgeries, prescriptions, etc….as far back as you can go. Guess what…the underwriters are going to look at all that! Makes COBRA really appealing if it didn’t cost @$1,000 for me and my little one (and that is just medical, not dental, vision, etc). So, I now truly look at my health differently. I need to take better care of myself: workout more, minimize stress in my life, eat healthy, etc. Now you may think, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all need to do that. But I am willing to bet if you had to pay thousands of dollars a month for insurance out of your own pocket for medical insurance, you might want to ensure your medical history was as transparent and ‘clean’ as possible. Who thinks of those kinds of things in their youth and/or when they’re gainfully employed? You hear horror stories of people learning of terminal illnesses during such a time and they sadly opted to play Russian roulette and didn’t have health insurance. Likewise, you may also hear a few stories of those who purchased health insurance, but it didn’t cover such long-term illnesses and/or surgeries. Hearing a story and having to think about yourself in that scenario is not the same…everything is different. Grocery shopping, eating out, planning for the future….everything – everything is different. You make small and significant decisions differently.

‘M’ is for Meaning.
I am not in search of the Holy Grail. I believe everyone’s journey and meaning of life is ideal for them. There is only one you. So, your experiences, perceptions, wants, needs, and desires are not exactly the same as any other person. There is nothing like unemployment to have you quickly re-evaluate what you can do, what you are willing to do, and what you want to do. When you boil life down to what it ‘means’ to you and for you when you are dealing with the uncertainty and emotions of unemployment and you and/or your family’s near and long-term future, the meaning of day-to-day living may change. While it is nowhere on the same level, it is like someone learning a loved one has limited time left to live – it is out of your control. All you can do now is make new choices as a reaction to the current state. And, the “current state” could change for the better or worse. It is all relative. How you live and why you make the choices you make on any given day is subject to change. Meaning can change. Change is inevitable under the best of circumstances.

‘P’ is for Purpose.
We hear so much about the purpose driven life – you may not need a job to have purpose, but most of us need a job to pay the bills. Really, any life changing event, like unemployment, provides time for self-reflection and re-evaluation of your purpose. What is your purpose today? Does your job/career define you as a person? If you have to work to pay the bills, what kind of job are willing and able to do? Will that job have purpose? Will it be fulfilling? If it gets really bad, will you be forced to make choices that don’t appear to have purpose, or align with your purpose? All great philosophical questions, but let’s be honest, my purpose is to supply the basic needs for me and mine (roof over our heads and food in our bellies). In a perfect world it would also allow me to be an active part of my son’s life (i.e. not working 3 jobs and never seeing my son). At the end of the day, as long as it is ethical and legal, there are no limits. Why limit myself?

‘L’ is for Love.
Aw yes, love. I am not talking about butterflies in your belly, romantic love. It is friends and family that can make a world of difference when you’re going through any life change. Being unemployed, I am reminded again, that we each love differently. We express it differently. You have some friends or family members who will go out of their way to proactively help you. They may ask if they can forward your resume, or buy you groceries. You have others who regularly ask you how job search is going in an effort to stay connected and current with you, but wouldn’t think to network on your behalf (not because they wouldn’t; they simply don’t think of things like that). You have some who don’t ask and assume that no news is bad news. Regardless of how your friends and family do or don’t express their love, thank goodness that you have friends and/or family during times when there is flux. I have come to the conclusion the past few years that people genuinely love you the best they can. Nobody tries to half love somebody. Even if you only have one good friend…it only takes one person’s unconditional love to remind you that you are an amazing person and anybody would be lucky to have you as an employee. On days where you haven’t even had a response from the 20 resumes you sent that day/week/month, that person’s love makes a world of difference when you’re questioning your worth in the employment arena – no matter how they express their love. Got love?

‘O’ is for Over.
Yep. That chapter of your life is over. Like other things in life, there is a genuine grieving process that takes place. I spent nearly one-third of my working career at the employer who laid me off….and yep, a new adventure awaits me regardless if I was ready for the change, wanted the change, or any other caveats. As with other things in life, sometimes getting closure isn’t pretty. Some people never obtain closure…but it is possible. And, if who you are extends beyond a job title, all is not lost. It is simply that facet of your life that has ended. Don’t forget, there will be positive residual outcomes from it though…maybe friendships you developed, incredible skills and lessons you learned along the way, or a season in your life where that role and/or employer worked well for you for personal reasons.

‘Y’ is for Yesterday.
Yesterday is just that – yesterday. Whatever disappointments or victories occurred yesterday are worth acknowledging – but, tomorrow is a new day, with new ups and downs. You had an awesome interview yesterday; but today, you found out they went with another candidate. Yesterday, you didn’t get one email or call expressing any interest in your resume, but who knows who is discussing your resume, waiting for their reqs to move from ‘hold status.’ Really, tomorrow is a new day. And with each new day, there are new opportunities for disappointments, victories and a whole slew of other things that may be phenomenally better than yesterday. The point is, there are a dozen or more sayings, quotes, and phrases we use in the English language encouraging humans to keep moving forward. Some include: the sun will come out tomorrow; keep on keepin’ on; this too shall pass; don’t rest on your laurels; if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again; the past is history, tomorrow is a mystery, that is why today is a present (or something like that); and many, many more. Living in the past (good memories or bad memories) doesn’t usually work too well for us humans. Maybe they are microscopic baby steps….but we take steps forward.

‘M’ is for Motivation.
This is a tough one too. Wikipedia states “according to various theories, motivation may be rooted in the basic need to minimize physical pain and maximize pleasure, or it may include specific needs such as eating and resting, or a desired object, hobby, goal, state of being…” Well, the emotions associated with unemployment are often influenced by things out of your control. Recently, I have had multiple conversations with friends and family about how HR Professionals/Recruiters are in this strange place of control. They are the gate keepers for a few jobs that people are banging on the gates to get noticed and interviewed for in an effort to change their unemployment status. There are times you may think they wrote that job req just for you, short of putting your name on it. Alas, for whatever reasons, someone else decided you are not qualified enough for a phone interview. Granted, there are more talented people in the job market than ever before…but they’re not me! They’re not you! Well, guess what…yep, it didn’t feel good, but move on. You have “specific needs.” You may have desired that job – but you have a goal…keep on striving for your goals. Keep your eye on the prize. You can do this!

‘E’ is for Ego.
Even if you don’t think of yourself as egotistical, lose your job and remain unemployed for more than two months and see if your ego is not bruised. Ouch! As I mentioned, there is a grieving process as you say good bye to a piece of a world you came to know and live in for however many years (a little over seven in my case). Many of us, me included, enjoy the illusion that we can control so many things. At the end of the day, when a company is fighting for survival, there will be decisions made that couldn’t possibly take into account all the personal things – like, who has kids, who just bought a house, who was just diagnosed with a terminal illness, who has the most diverse skill set , and more. It is not about you. Be confident in who you are, what you can contribute, and the value you can bring to any role and company. And in the remote, way out there chance, the company’s decision to lay you off was personal versus professional, do you really want to put your positive energy into stewing over that nonsense? Your ego text messaged me and said, “You’re better than that!”

‘N’ is for Next.
Do you remember the first day of school? How about when you transitioned from middle school/junior high to high school? It was a natural process and progression. Even if you wanted to stay behind and not take the next step…that was not an option. There was a next step. Millions of people had taken that next step before you; millions since. I am not the first person to lose their job or their last….but there will be a next step. True I don’t when, where, or how….but good to know there will be a next phase, the next chapter. I would have preferred to own this transition a bit more; nevertheless, any significant transition I have made personally or professionally has ALWAYS led to so many more positive things. Some of those positive results didn’t come to fruition right away, but truly, I don’t just bounce back, my track records shows I come back so much stronger, healthier, and happier. Next please!

‘T’ is for Tenacity.
Perseverance, resolution, determination, application, resolve, persistence, diligence…..all things that can carry you through a life changing event – many times easier said than done. Tenacity during unemployment means you continue to network, even when it feels like you’re in the desert looking for an oasis. Tenacity during unemployment means you put your best foot forward in every application, interview, and thank you note, even if it is not the ideal job of your dreams. Tenacity takes energy. So, being true to yourself and taking care of yourself are key.

All of these things are relevant to me. Maybe you have been laid off and none of these, or only some of these, things rang true for you. Or, maybe you have never been laid off. I didn’t put these feeling into written word because I am appealing to any one person. Among many things, one of the things I have been reminded of is humans are quick to be empathetic when someone is visually in need – like an injury or a visible illness (chicken pox). When someone has a cold, has a mental illness, just lost a loved one, is going through a divorce, or lost their or lost their job….it seems harder for us (myself included) to know how to help because there is not physical symptom that a homeopathic salve, pill, or medicine will cure. Likewise, most people don’t or won’t ask for help (if you know me….can’t stand to ask for help…need more therapy maybe). And, unless you’ve walked in those shoes, you may not know how to help.

Here is classic example unique to me…I have a dear friend who had a precious baby one year to the day after Elijah. We worked in the same role. I had walked before her. I knew what the next year of trying to balance being a new mother and having a demanding job might look like, feel like, smell like, and taste like. I could give her warnings or feedback better than many others could. Others may have had the same role, but they weren’t a new mom. Others may have been new mothers, but had no idea what our work day (and many times work night) was like. So, I was able to give ideas or share stories about what did or didn’t work for me. It made a difference for her – because I understood and she had watched me the previous year. She now had first hand and second hand knowledge to use for her personal journey.

The state of “unemployment “is kind of like that. I have friends and family members who have walked in my current shoes…but not most. That means that this is a journey where I may have fewer tools and resources to guide me through to the other side. The good news is - I always come out on the other side!

You've Got To Ask!

Yes, more inspiration from my friend. During one of our communications, I asked a question. At the time I asked, I wondered, 'should I ask?' I thought maybe I should know the answer. To provide more background, a word came up that I don't know that I have ever heard/read. I thought I knew the meaning of the word based on the context of the conversation, but I wasn't 110% sure. So....I asked, what does that mean?

My friend gladly explained the meaning...which, low and behold, is what I would have guessed, but - it would have been a guess. So, why not ask?! Do you know how many children and adults don't ask questions because they don't want to look stupid, ignorant, unengaged, desperate, or whatever? Are you one of those people. For the most part, I am not. I even tell my son, "mommy doesn't know everything, but we can go to the library and get a book, or look it up on line." There is not a week that goes by that I don't say that phrase to my curious 4-year old.

As a result, truly, I have learned so much since I became a parent. I love it! One of the other things I have learned is to directly and indirectly instill that mentality in my little one. There is a a children's entertainer we have recently discovered, although he has been around for quite some time - Bill Harley...love him!

One of Mr. Harley's songs from his I Wanna Play CD is, "You’ve Got to Ask." The chorus goes:
"You've got to ask
If you don’t know
You’ve got to ask
That’s how you grow
If you’re not sure
Don’t be concerned
Go on and ask
That’s how you learn"

Brilliant, just brilliant. If you want to read the songs lyrics in its entirety or hear more, click this link http://www.billharley.com/lyrics.asp?SongID=447.

So ask more, learn more, and grow!

Inspiration From A Teacher

Blogging....hhhhmmmm....?! A dear friend of mine has been encouraging me to express myself in different ways over the past few months. For whatever reasons, this friend's encouragement struck a chord with me this weekend.

Generally speaking, I am a private person. One-on-one, several people know me - I mean truly know me; however you can count them on one hand. So, I have not pre-determined what this blog will or won't be, but expect it will include the latest and greatest adventures of my bambino along with other "odds and ends on any given day."

Today is Easter 2009...when I think of Easter, I think of growth, re-birth, blossoming, beginning, the future... spiritually and every facet of life. For my first blog, I am simply sharing a poem I once wrote at the "beginning" of love....aw what a wonderful place....a place that only happens once with that individual and yourself. It is a place that you evolve from, but don’t go back to.

I am choosing a poem because it feels "safe." Safe because it is something I have already written; safe because the person who inspired it is part of my past; safe because I know my dear friend who inspired this blog also enjoys poetry.

Who knows what this current season will bring, but I am up for the ride. And, who knows what I will blog as I "grow" through this season and beyond. Thanks for reading.

Kel

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You Make Me

You make love to my mind.
Each conversation opens a door leading to emotional foreplay in a house with many undiscovered rooms.

You make me feel like a piece of priceless art.
Through your lens, you knowingly or unknowingly see my genuine heart, soul, subtle fears, and a hidden desire in shades and colors no else has seen.

You make me feel vulnerable, beautiful, comfortable, and appreciated.
You remind me that I am a woman – a woman worthy of unconditional love.

You make my body crave your touch.
I wait for the next opportunity to taste your lips; for you to caress my hand, stroke my hair, or rub my thigh with bated breath and anticipation.

You make me want to count the beats of your heart as I lay in your arms.
Each breath and heartbeat guarantees another minute, day, and eternity of emotional, physical, spiritual satisfaction - together.

You make me want a future that includes a lifetime partner.
Each note, laugh, smile, discussion, hope, and dream makes me yearn for more- until the end of time.

You make me want to be in your future.
Thoughts and memories of me in your head, desires and realities of me in your bed, your life, by your side - what would that mean?

You make me feel like I have never truly loved before.
The level of attraction is multi-faceted and rewarding - on no level I have ever experienced.

You make me wonder if you are God-sent.
There are billions of people on this earth, in this country; and yet, in two weeks, one man has touched my mind, body, and heart in ways that many people may never experience in a lifetime.

You make me want more.
Insatiable thoughts and emotions overwhelm me at the thought of you…I want to learn, explore, grow, and evolve with you – all of you; the complete you.