Kelley’s Reflection of Current Truisms

This weekend, a dear friend made an interesting comment during a relationship-focused conversation. The essence of her comments was a suggestion that if we could step outside of our own personal relationships and be a friend to our self - your coaching you might give yourself would be more objective.

Well, I thought about this off and on and decided to step outside of myself and capture some coaching words I would likely share with any of my female and male friends about all kinds of relationships (with yourself, your parents, your child(ren), your significant other, and others).

Once I put that on paper, then look back and see where and how I can apply any possible reminders and/or nuggets of wisdom. And, who knows?! Maybe this list will continue to grow and evolve for me with more thought. The comments (current perception of truisms) below are subject to critique, enhancement, and change…as are most things in life on any given day.

Love and Peace,

~Kelley

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In all relationships, angst is unhealthy.

There must be respect.

Be true to yourself and recognize if s/he isn’t being true to themselves, they won’t likely be able to be true to you.

If you love someone, build them up; don’t tear them down.

Address tough issues with straight talk and transparency; choosing your words carefully, putting some love in your voice while looking for a solution.

People don't change because they are criticized. People change when the relationship is nurtured with warmth and goodwill that inspires them to please their partner, parent, friend, etc.

Appreciation is on the list of top ten needs for most people.

Allow people to see and hear who you really are versus a shell or a chameleon.

Silence is not golden; it is not uncommon for human beings begin to assume the worst, making it more challenging to move things forward in a positive direction.

Silence can erode trust.

Be flexible. Things change, including people.

Communicating is not optional.

Pretending everything is ok when it is not will inevitably drive an invisible wedge between you that may be difficult to dissolve and ultimately remove.

It is okay to find creative ways to communicate what is really on your mind.

Speak your words in the most loving way you can; the sooner the better. Remember words can heal and they can cut.

Conflict is inevitable. How we handle conflict is what makes the difference.

The goal of resolving conflict in a relationship is not victory or defeat. It is reaching a mutual understanding that benefits both, bringing people closer, allowing for negotiation and compromise.

No action is an action.

Not making a decision or a choice is still a choice.

If an apology is called for, offer it.

What you permit, you promote.

Commitment is nurtured by compassion and understanding.

If you need help or don’t understand, ask for it and/or clarify. If you don’t need help and you understand. . . prove it in your actions.

Lessons from a 90-Year Old

Greetings to all that may be reading this at any moment. Sometimes my blog is original thoughts, comments, poems, stories, etc. from my heart and/or mind However, today, I am including another communication a dear friend forwarded to me this past week.

Below, you will find 45 relevant life learnings 90-year old Regina Brett wrote in her column. This is something we should all read regularly. Like many things in life, one or more of Ms. Brett's lessons may resonate to your soul today, but two weeks from now, a different lesson could scream out to you.

Based on things recently and/or currently going on in my life and those around me, the following three jumped out at me this week:

• Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
• However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
• Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

Living in the moment and making the most of "it" continues to be a theme I want to try and live by and model; however it super hard for me. I often find myself reflecting on the past to ensure I am learning from it, as not to repeat the negative outcomes. Likewise, I am often planning ahead to ensure I am prepared and able to enjoy "the moment" whenever it comes. The irony is that my "living in the moment" is filled with reflecting and planning.

Anyway, I hope you glean one or two relevant reminders or nuggets to nourish your conscious mind as we continue to grow through life and you read the 45 lessons written by Ms. Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good..

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."