And I Rise

For several months now, I have started every work week with key words or phrases that are meaningful to me. The words or phrases were meant to help me focus and get through the day or the week and operate in such a manner regardless of what was going on around me.

A few weeks into my process, I had a team member who was "going through." As such, I shared my words with my team. And it turns out, it helped more than me some days. In fact, I have a few other colleagues who will ask me on a Monday or a Tuesday, "what's the word this week?"

The truth is this weekend was really rough on me and I hadn't put much thought into preparing physically or emotionally for Monday morning at work. As I was parking my car this morning, a text came through. It read:

John Michael Montgomery told me this morning, "life is a dance we learn as we go...sometimes we lead, sometimes we follow. Don't worry about what you don't know. Life's a dance, we learn as we go." Made me think of your metaphors. Happy Monday.

It was a reminder that the littlest of gestures can have a memorable impact on people. As my day progressed, the phrase for the remainder of this week is - Phoenix Rising!

Peace and Love.

My Sunday

If I could capture my emotions in a word right now, it would be "uggghhh!" What a roller coaster of highs and lows this weekend. Well, if nothing else, I know I am human...

So, as always, I will "throw up" on paper as I try to find peace when and where I can right now.

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My Santuary

I exist.

My soul yearns to be gently kissed.

In my silence; in my pondering; while the chaos spins outside of my being, I am reminded my sanctuary is not found in someone else.

A holistic view of my physical and emotional health,

I dream of my mind, heart, and soul being protected; yet that is a fairy tale.

To have not taken the risk, would have been to fail.

While there is an open invitation to my altar, I stand alone; while the chaos spins outside of my being.

From the distance, there are new things I am seeing.

I exist. I exist alone.

Intended to be respectful, genuine, transparent, unconditional, and open in my tone.

In my silence, I find refuge in music and poetry; while the chaos spins outside of my being.

My sanctuary offers no words for the hearing; only actions for the seeing.

Not my darkest hour... I still find bliss.

I exist.

In Honor Of "Parent's Day"

In the United States, we seem to now celebrate all kinds of things (maybe simply in honor of the infamous Hallmark holiday). Sunday is supposedly "Parent's Day." Well, if we're gonna celebrate anything, parents are just as good as, if not better, than other reasons to honor, respect, and celebrate... Happy Parents Day to your parents and those that are parents.

Have a great weekend and enjoy reflecting on this antonymous poem.

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When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
and I wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me,
and I knew that little things are special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer,
and I believed there is a God I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight,
and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked...
and wanted to say thanks for all the things
I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.

- Anonymous

Emotions, Blind Spots, and Baggage

As I cleanse my mind tonight, I fully admit I am not "all knowing" or have a solid track record in various relationships that warrant me having enough nerve to capture what I think anyone wants and deserves in a healthy relationship. So, I will keep it simple. Despite my emotions, blind spots, and baggage, I have maintained and continue to maintain, if you're gonna choose a spouse, I'd recommend s/he is someone who innately makes the good times better and the bad times easier!

Mutual respect is key!

I don't see how anyone can maintain a happy, healthy long-term relationships with anyone who they do not respect, or who does not respect you. There are so many other things, such as dignity and worth that humans associate with "respect." How do you feel when people you care about disrespect you? Does your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife disrespect you?

I'd bet a big chunk of change, once the implicit or explicit put downs, disregard, or dishonesty become a part of the everyday relationship, you're not likely to be in a happy, healthy long-term relationship... it is not rocket science.

Trust is nurtured and protected!

Love and trust are intertwined like strands of a rope. When trust is broken, love is diminished and "the rope" is damaged. When trust is diligently maintained, love grows stronger and stronger.

Be true to you!

If you choose not to be the 100% authentic you with someone, it is only a matter of time before the facade comes crashing down. If you are being who you truly are, resisting the impulse to play games or put on a false person to impress someone, "the one" will value your individuality and uniqueness. During the good times and the bad times, your authenticity in any circumstance is critical to a happy, healthy long-term relationship. Again, the facade will come crashing down (sometimes sooner than later).

An attitude of Service!

...an attitude of "you first." If you are with someone who shows little regard for your wishes and opinions; intent on getting his/her way; doesn't ask about your life; and consistently displays a "me first" attitude - run! Do you deserve selfish or selfless? Do you adore big-headed or big-hearted? If his/her prevailing attitude and actions are "me, me, me" versus some combination of "you, us, you, us," a long-term relationship with him or her is destined for some serious challenges.

Work Through Problems!

Life is hard under the best of circumstances. Modern life is filled with headaches and hassles that can ebb and flow in a relationship. Every dating relationship and every marriage has conflict. The truth is, disagreements are the consequence of two unique individuals expressing themselves on infinite number of issues. When two people learn "the dance" and can manage their conflicts thoroughly and efficiently so that harmony prevails most of the time....aaaahhhhh.....success!

An Abundance of Joy!

It sounds simple, but have you ever seen a random couple in public who just looked unhappy? What about a couple who looked happy. If you visualize those two separate memories, there are huge differences on your perception. Laughing, having fun, and plain ol' enjoying your partner and being together is key to long-term success.

Honesty, respect, and unconditional love are timeless pillars in the reality of a happy, healthy, long-term relationship. So, if you step our of your emotions, your blind spots, and any baggage... where did you and your partner fall out in the areas highlighted by the woman cleansing her brain tonight?

“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” ~Richard Bach

Elijah Excerpts: Encouraging Mommy

What a night!

As those who know Elijah, know I often refer to him as "being full of piss and vinegar." Elijah can be the most hard-headed ornery child to the most loving, sweetest child in his actions and words. Tonight, Elijah woke up in the middle of the night devastated. He was was crying, screaming, and snotting everywhere. I didn't expect that my brief check-in and consolation would turn into a discussion with verbalized fears and concerns and a preliminary plan to manifest my destiny.

Elijah's words and concerns were so pointed and gut wrenching sincere that I thought, "Gee! Did some ghost channel this boy?" because it just didn't sound like something I would ever expect a five year old to say. Once I could understand through all the tears, labored breathing, and snot, Elijah conveyed he doesn't like being without me (Eh, ok... not new news... or uncommon for children and their parents). Then he goes on to share with me that I died...

So, translation, in his dream, I died. I teared up once I imagined if I really died how this little boy would cope. He continues on sharing that he doesn't want me to die; he wants to spend more time with me; he wants me to be around when he is a grown up; wants me to be healthy; and (get this) wants me to go to the gym and workout because "exercise is important and you don't get enough." (For the record, I know he is correct on both counts). Typing this in some ways, it is humorous - "Mommy - you're overweight and it's not healthy!" But, honestly, Elijah's genuine fear and pain was a huge motivator for me tonight.

Not to sound cavalier, but yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I am going to die one day (we all are); yet there are a host of reasons to get my butt in the gym, or running, or whatever, and live healthier. My baby boy's sleepy, heart-ache broke my heart. I wish I could use words or capture the moment in such a way that anyone could have felt what he sparked inside me.

So, tonight I am capturing this so I can reflect back on it as one of many reasons, I need to start down some lifestyle changes with some short-term and long-term goals. July 17, 2010 - I am on the road to fitness. As I put all this in writing, my mind initiates my commitment today; this week; this month; now!

Peace, love, and sweet dreams (especially to my son!)!