Elijah Excerpts: Encouraging Mommy

What a night!

As those who know Elijah, know I often refer to him as "being full of piss and vinegar." Elijah can be the most hard-headed ornery child to the most loving, sweetest child in his actions and words. Tonight, Elijah woke up in the middle of the night devastated. He was was crying, screaming, and snotting everywhere. I didn't expect that my brief check-in and consolation would turn into a discussion with verbalized fears and concerns and a preliminary plan to manifest my destiny.

Elijah's words and concerns were so pointed and gut wrenching sincere that I thought, "Gee! Did some ghost channel this boy?" because it just didn't sound like something I would ever expect a five year old to say. Once I could understand through all the tears, labored breathing, and snot, Elijah conveyed he doesn't like being without me (Eh, ok... not new news... or uncommon for children and their parents). Then he goes on to share with me that I died...

So, translation, in his dream, I died. I teared up once I imagined if I really died how this little boy would cope. He continues on sharing that he doesn't want me to die; he wants to spend more time with me; he wants me to be around when he is a grown up; wants me to be healthy; and (get this) wants me to go to the gym and workout because "exercise is important and you don't get enough." (For the record, I know he is correct on both counts). Typing this in some ways, it is humorous - "Mommy - you're overweight and it's not healthy!" But, honestly, Elijah's genuine fear and pain was a huge motivator for me tonight.

Not to sound cavalier, but yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I am going to die one day (we all are); yet there are a host of reasons to get my butt in the gym, or running, or whatever, and live healthier. My baby boy's sleepy, heart-ache broke my heart. I wish I could use words or capture the moment in such a way that anyone could have felt what he sparked inside me.

So, tonight I am capturing this so I can reflect back on it as one of many reasons, I need to start down some lifestyle changes with some short-term and long-term goals. July 17, 2010 - I am on the road to fitness. As I put all this in writing, my mind initiates my commitment today; this week; this month; now!

Peace, love, and sweet dreams (especially to my son!)!