‘U’ is for Unknown.
The great unknown sounds exciting when you have false securities like a supposed knowledgeable and trained tour guide down a white water river or through a tropical forest far away from the comforts of home. ..A tour you have paid for as part of your fabulous vacation. The truth is, the tour guide may not truly be knowledgeable should something out of the ordinary occur; but, the fact that you chose to take this tour, combined with the fact that you are willing to put a value on it by paying for it….well that makes it very different, than let’s say, the unknown of when you will be employed again. It is different from the “unknown” of how long you can live on current funds, savings, and/or assets. Your control, or should I say perceived control, is far less. We’re never truly in control; however there are certain situations or circumstances where you may have choices you can significantly influence, giving you a sense of (in many cases) control - unemployment is not one of those situations. That being said, control is an illusion. If you have kids…especially teenagers…you know what I am saying. Focus on what you can literally control – you.
‘N’ is for New.
‘New’ sounds great when it is a ‘new’ TV, car, or a ‘new’ pair of shoes or handbag (or whatever floats your boat). ‘New’ may not sound so great or feel so great when it is a new opportunity that you didn’t choose. Granted, the new opportunity may yield great results, but the fact remains that you didn’t readily choose this new opportunity. So, you may now be looking at the unknown. The unknown can be scary for all of us. And let’s not forget that even with a new purchase, there are things you may have not thought through or been aware of that kill your “new” high and buzz. Maybe the TV has more features than you can figure out. Maybe that new car was supposed to come with upgrades that take 6 months for the dealer to deliver and follow through. Maybe your shoes look fabulous on your foot, provided they didn’t hurt so damn bad you can’t even walk in them let alone stand in them after 10 minutes. My mamma always told me, life is all about choices. New is all in how you look at it and how your react/respond to it. So, yes, you’re in a new place in your life. How do you want respond?
‘E’ is for everything.
Everything changes when you become unemployed through no control of your own. Things change-things you may not even think of if you are currently gainfully employed and/or have not been laid off of a job in your lifetime. Simply put, you are forced to look at everything differently. One example is benefits. Have you ever tried to get an individual health plan? They go through ALL of your history and actually verify it…you have to do your best to be forthright and tell them about your ailments, surgeries, prescriptions, etc….as far back as you can go. Guess what…the underwriters are going to look at all that! Makes COBRA really appealing if it didn’t cost @$1,000 for me and my little one (and that is just medical, not dental, vision, etc). So, I now truly look at my health differently. I need to take better care of myself: workout more, minimize stress in my life, eat healthy, etc. Now you may think, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all need to do that. But I am willing to bet if you had to pay thousands of dollars a month for insurance out of your own pocket for medical insurance, you might want to ensure your medical history was as transparent and ‘clean’ as possible. Who thinks of those kinds of things in their youth and/or when they’re gainfully employed? You hear horror stories of people learning of terminal illnesses during such a time and they sadly opted to play Russian roulette and didn’t have health insurance. Likewise, you may also hear a few stories of those who purchased health insurance, but it didn’t cover such long-term illnesses and/or surgeries. Hearing a story and having to think about yourself in that scenario is not the same…everything is different. Grocery shopping, eating out, planning for the future….everything – everything is different. You make small and significant decisions differently.
‘M’ is for Meaning.
I am not in search of the Holy Grail. I believe everyone’s journey and meaning of life is ideal for them. There is only one you. So, your experiences, perceptions, wants, needs, and desires are not exactly the same as any other person. There is nothing like unemployment to have you quickly re-evaluate what you can do, what you are willing to do, and what you want to do. When you boil life down to what it ‘means’ to you and for you when you are dealing with the uncertainty and emotions of unemployment and you and/or your family’s near and long-term future, the meaning of day-to-day living may change. While it is nowhere on the same level, it is like someone learning a loved one has limited time left to live – it is out of your control. All you can do now is make new choices as a reaction to the current state. And, the “current state” could change for the better or worse. It is all relative. How you live and why you make the choices you make on any given day is subject to change. Meaning can change. Change is inevitable under the best of circumstances.
‘P’ is for Purpose.
We hear so much about the purpose driven life – you may not need a job to have purpose, but most of us need a job to pay the bills. Really, any life changing event, like unemployment, provides time for self-reflection and re-evaluation of your purpose. What is your purpose today? Does your job/career define you as a person? If you have to work to pay the bills, what kind of job are willing and able to do? Will that job have purpose? Will it be fulfilling? If it gets really bad, will you be forced to make choices that don’t appear to have purpose, or align with your purpose? All great philosophical questions, but let’s be honest, my purpose is to supply the basic needs for me and mine (roof over our heads and food in our bellies). In a perfect world it would also allow me to be an active part of my son’s life (i.e. not working 3 jobs and never seeing my son). At the end of the day, as long as it is ethical and legal, there are no limits. Why limit myself?
‘L’ is for Love.
Aw yes, love. I am not talking about butterflies in your belly, romantic love. It is friends and family that can make a world of difference when you’re going through any life change. Being unemployed, I am reminded again, that we each love differently. We express it differently. You have some friends or family members who will go out of their way to proactively help you. They may ask if they can forward your resume, or buy you groceries. You have others who regularly ask you how job search is going in an effort to stay connected and current with you, but wouldn’t think to network on your behalf (not because they wouldn’t; they simply don’t think of things like that). You have some who don’t ask and assume that no news is bad news. Regardless of how your friends and family do or don’t express their love, thank goodness that you have friends and/or family during times when there is flux. I have come to the conclusion the past few years that people genuinely love you the best they can. Nobody tries to half love somebody. Even if you only have one good friend…it only takes one person’s unconditional love to remind you that you are an amazing person and anybody would be lucky to have you as an employee. On days where you haven’t even had a response from the 20 resumes you sent that day/week/month, that person’s love makes a world of difference when you’re questioning your worth in the employment arena – no matter how they express their love. Got love?
‘O’ is for Over.
Yep. That chapter of your life is over. Like other things in life, there is a genuine grieving process that takes place. I spent nearly one-third of my working career at the employer who laid me off….and yep, a new adventure awaits me regardless if I was ready for the change, wanted the change, or any other caveats. As with other things in life, sometimes getting closure isn’t pretty. Some people never obtain closure…but it is possible. And, if who you are extends beyond a job title, all is not lost. It is simply that facet of your life that has ended. Don’t forget, there will be positive residual outcomes from it though…maybe friendships you developed, incredible skills and lessons you learned along the way, or a season in your life where that role and/or employer worked well for you for personal reasons.
‘Y’ is for Yesterday.
Yesterday is just that – yesterday. Whatever disappointments or victories occurred yesterday are worth acknowledging – but, tomorrow is a new day, with new ups and downs. You had an awesome interview yesterday; but today, you found out they went with another candidate. Yesterday, you didn’t get one email or call expressing any interest in your resume, but who knows who is discussing your resume, waiting for their reqs to move from ‘hold status.’ Really, tomorrow is a new day. And with each new day, there are new opportunities for disappointments, victories and a whole slew of other things that may be phenomenally better than yesterday. The point is, there are a dozen or more sayings, quotes, and phrases we use in the English language encouraging humans to keep moving forward. Some include: the sun will come out tomorrow; keep on keepin’ on; this too shall pass; don’t rest on your laurels; if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again; the past is history, tomorrow is a mystery, that is why today is a present (or something like that); and many, many more. Living in the past (good memories or bad memories) doesn’t usually work too well for us humans. Maybe they are microscopic baby steps….but we take steps forward.
‘M’ is for Motivation.
This is a tough one too. Wikipedia states “according to various theories, motivation may be rooted in the basic need to minimize physical pain and maximize pleasure, or it may include specific needs such as eating and resting, or a desired object, hobby, goal, state of being…” Well, the emotions associated with unemployment are often influenced by things out of your control. Recently, I have had multiple conversations with friends and family about how HR Professionals/Recruiters are in this strange place of control. They are the gate keepers for a few jobs that people are banging on the gates to get noticed and interviewed for in an effort to change their unemployment status. There are times you may think they wrote that job req just for you, short of putting your name on it. Alas, for whatever reasons, someone else decided you are not qualified enough for a phone interview. Granted, there are more talented people in the job market than ever before…but they’re not me! They’re not you! Well, guess what…yep, it didn’t feel good, but move on. You have “specific needs.” You may have desired that job – but you have a goal…keep on striving for your goals. Keep your eye on the prize. You can do this!
‘E’ is for Ego.
Even if you don’t think of yourself as egotistical, lose your job and remain unemployed for more than two months and see if your ego is not bruised. Ouch! As I mentioned, there is a grieving process as you say good bye to a piece of a world you came to know and live in for however many years (a little over seven in my case). Many of us, me included, enjoy the illusion that we can control so many things. At the end of the day, when a company is fighting for survival, there will be decisions made that couldn’t possibly take into account all the personal things – like, who has kids, who just bought a house, who was just diagnosed with a terminal illness, who has the most diverse skill set , and more. It is not about you. Be confident in who you are, what you can contribute, and the value you can bring to any role and company. And in the remote, way out there chance, the company’s decision to lay you off was personal versus professional, do you really want to put your positive energy into stewing over that nonsense? Your ego text messaged me and said, “You’re better than that!”
‘N’ is for Next.
Do you remember the first day of school? How about when you transitioned from middle school/junior high to high school? It was a natural process and progression. Even if you wanted to stay behind and not take the next step…that was not an option. There was a next step. Millions of people had taken that next step before you; millions since. I am not the first person to lose their job or their last….but there will be a next step. True I don’t when, where, or how….but good to know there will be a next phase, the next chapter. I would have preferred to own this transition a bit more; nevertheless, any significant transition I have made personally or professionally has ALWAYS led to so many more positive things. Some of those positive results didn’t come to fruition right away, but truly, I don’t just bounce back, my track records shows I come back so much stronger, healthier, and happier. Next please!
‘T’ is for Tenacity.
Perseverance, resolution, determination, application, resolve, persistence, diligence…..all things that can carry you through a life changing event – many times easier said than done. Tenacity during unemployment means you continue to network, even when it feels like you’re in the desert looking for an oasis. Tenacity during unemployment means you put your best foot forward in every application, interview, and thank you note, even if it is not the ideal job of your dreams. Tenacity takes energy. So, being true to yourself and taking care of yourself are key.
All of these things are relevant to me. Maybe you have been laid off and none of these, or only some of these, things rang true for you. Or, maybe you have never been laid off. I didn’t put these feeling into written word because I am appealing to any one person. Among many things, one of the things I have been reminded of is humans are quick to be empathetic when someone is visually in need – like an injury or a visible illness (chicken pox). When someone has a cold, has a mental illness, just lost a loved one, is going through a divorce, or lost their or lost their job….it seems harder for us (myself included) to know how to help because there is not physical symptom that a homeopathic salve, pill, or medicine will cure. Likewise, most people don’t or won’t ask for help (if you know me….can’t stand to ask for help…need more therapy maybe). And, unless you’ve walked in those shoes, you may not know how to help.
Here is classic example unique to me…I have a dear friend who had a precious baby one year to the day after Elijah. We worked in the same role. I had walked before her. I knew what the next year of trying to balance being a new mother and having a demanding job might look like, feel like, smell like, and taste like. I could give her warnings or feedback better than many others could. Others may have had the same role, but they weren’t a new mom. Others may have been new mothers, but had no idea what our work day (and many times work night) was like. So, I was able to give ideas or share stories about what did or didn’t work for me. It made a difference for her – because I understood and she had watched me the previous year. She now had first hand and second hand knowledge to use for her personal journey.
The state of “unemployment “is kind of like that. I have friends and family members who have walked in my current shoes…but not most. That means that this is a journey where I may have fewer tools and resources to guide me through to the other side. The good news is - I always come out on the other side!
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Kelley,
ReplyDeleteAll of the above is so true and it just put things in perspective for me. That I am not alone and when in times of despair we all seem to feel alone in this world. Thanks for sharing this with me.
JEH